Me: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world
Doctor: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work
Me: I love my tiny son
my friend once told me that putting methamphetamine in your eyes can make you go blind
i’m not sure what he was talking about, i see crystal clear now
"Why do you want this job?"
Because under capitalism I am forced to sell my labor in order to subsist.
My dick is pi inches long
This is fucking me up a bit because like that means my dick is not bigger than 3 inches but yet it’s infinite like wtf
no it just means your dick is irrational and people hate it
- women: can u not touch our butts without knowing if we're okay with it? kthx.
- men: modern feminism has gone TOO FAR. we already gave you THE VOTE and JOBS and now you're OPPRESSING US by assuming we're all RAPISTS. PATRIARCHY IS NOT REAL B/C NOT ALL MEN.
doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro